I was already saved when I matriculated at Bible college. I had gotten saved and called to be a preacher when I was three years old. I vacillated in my relationship with Jesus for about five years (from 12 to 17), with many a trip to the altar for my backsliding ways, and God always received and restored me.
I was not in Bible college long (about 6 weeks) before I learned the reason for my on-again-off-again relationship with Jesus. I was a Carnal Believer; I still had the sinful nature (the Old Man, the Carnal Mind, Double Mindedness, Evil Heart of Unbelief, the Fleshly Nature, Sin, the Root of Bitterness, the Adamic Nature, the Remains of Sin). I was forgiven and regenerated and cleansed from my evil behavior, but the "Likeness of Adam" had not been effaced, I had not come to the realization that my "old man was crucified with Christ," therefore I still had unclean (unholy) inclinations in my sinful nature battling with my new nature. I would fight the inner struggle, but sometimes I would lose to the baser self, because I did not know that Christ not only justifies, but He sanctifies entirely; He not only gives life, He gives it abundantly; He not only gives peace with God, He imparts the very peace of God to rule in my heart; He not only gives grace, but great grace, manifold grace, all grace; He not only saves, He saves to the uttermost; He not only gives love, He gives perfect love; He not only gives joy, He gives joy unspeakable and full of glory. I did not know about this "rest" that was provided for the saved. I did not know that He cleanses from "all sin" and "perfects that which is lacking" in my heart, so that I might love Him with a perfect heart and be "conformed to the image of Jesus."
One afternoon I had a stupid, carnal reaction to something that someone did. It was not important, it was not world shattering, it was not even worth noticing, but my carnal mind noticed it as an insult, and I reacted in anger. In the midst of my anger, I asked the other person to leave my room, because the Holy Spirit hit me with conviction (unlike the object of my anger, who reacted to my fit of anger only in love).
It was a Wednesday, and I knew that I would be going to church that night. I also knew that God would lead the preacher to preach holiness of heart and life. I really DID NOT WANT TO GO TO CHURCH and fall under conviction and find myself at the altar. So, I asked God to cleanse me from the old man, right there, right then. I died to self, sin and the world that day. And, He purified my heart at that very moment, praise His Name. I did go to church that night, with the stony heart removed and the fullness of the Holy Spirit springing up within me. When I had the opportunity, that night, I testified to the cleansing power of the blood, that saves from all sin.
I know people have various reasons (or excuses) for not wanting to go to church, but sadly, too many are not avoiding church because they anticipate the convicting power of the Holy Spirit, which will lead them out of darkness into His wonderful light. And, sadly, those who refuse to die to self will never find victory. Though death to self, the world and to sin is an excruciating and traumatic crises experience, it is the path that leads to victory.
Galatians 5:22-26
(22) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
(23) Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
(24) And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
(25) If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
(26) Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.
Great verse to remember...
Psalms 32:8
(8) I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.
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